If you ask me what is the greatest way to prevent you from getting hurt, I’d stuffing it so far and so deep no one will ever find it.
Including yourself.
Trouble is, it doesn’t go away, does it?
We just stop FEELING IT, but it’s wriggling inside of you, buried within.
It’s been so many years that I took my early hurt, hurt going through rape as a child, and I sent it away into hiding.
All the ways I could keep it at bay – never speak of it even a word, beat the image back soon as they start to rise, tell myself I was over it, past it, it’s nothing, it’s gone.
It’s a part that’s been trying to float to the surface, to rise up within, and it’s finally done it:
I was writing a play about war, about memories, and this part of me lurking within, trying to find its way onto the page, into my life.
What was it I was afraid of?
That it’s going to burst out, take over, and make my life a mess?
What I found was RELEASE.
In sharing the draft with another survivor, she brought up her own story of her, and of healing, that’s when I was compelled to share mine.
And it wasn’t the shame, the black bottomless pit of disgust, and helplessness, numb, no – I have opened the floodgates, and that’s when it began:
A triumphant return to self, back to wholeness, back to where I belong.
Feeling my truth, feeling the urge to let go, the desire that I have to heal.
Only healing was only a word – now it’s a feeling, a process, an act, now it’s part of the journey.
Parts we hide – from ourselves and from others – are like children that want to be loved.
All they’re wanting is have fun, and be playful, want to run free, with joy!
This is the path towards liberation, a greater life where you’re feeling a great flow of energy that’s been used to withdraw, hold back, and it’s free to be channeled to love, and immersing
yourself in the people and purpose that give meaning, that help you BELONG.
You can only feel understood if you are in the process of understanding your true self, your hopes, and your dreams, your desires.
This is what requires time, and care, and, most of all, compassion with self.
It’s a practice that I am exploring this week on the podcast – join me on how to feel understood: